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Ask FlyLady!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Toy monster...
Dear FlyLady,
Any ideas about tackling my sons's room? I have a 4 m.o., a 2 y.o., and a 4 y.o. I am not whining, but I really do feel overwhelmed by the avalanche of toys that they have accumulated in their short little lives. The 4 y.o. helps somewhat, I am still working on that, but honestly, there are so many toys, that I think it may be too big of a job for him. And I tried dividing them and putting half in the attic. I really think that I just need a plan of action. I would love to give some away, but then you run into, so and so got him this, and they are all nice toys. Ugh! I really just feel overwhelmed, I would love to get this "toy monster" under control!
If the toys are overwhelming to you, what do you think they are doing to your poor son. He needs room to play!
Dear Friend,
Here are some testimonials that will change your mind about getting rid of those toys; it doesn't matter who gave them to the children. Their feeling mean nothing to the peace that should belong to your child.
Dear FlyLady,
I'm writing to confirm to my FlySisters how clutter affects our mental states. My 5 y/o son was very aggressive, cranky, sassy, and demanding. I tried many discipline methods and they all failed. One day he came home from school to an empty room. I packed all his toys and threw away allt hose junky pieces to mcDonald's toys. I left him 3 matchbox cars, his Magna Doodle, legos, and crayons. These toys I thought would help him be creative and quieter. I explained to him the basic principles of tough love, that I only *had* to give him food and a bed. He would have to earn his toys back one at a time.
Well, within 3 days I noticed a drastic difference in him. He was calmer, polite, and overall pleasant. One evening I announced that he had managed his behavior perfectly that day and he could choose any toy he wanted out of the stash, he had earned it. He didn't want a toy, he asked for a bike ride instead. Next day, again great behavior, I offered him a toy from the stash. Again he refused, he asked me to go outside and throw the football with him. My son is a FlyChild!!! He *loves* to be in his room now! He sits quietly on the floor and plays with his 3 matchbox cars or draws with his MagnaDoodle. I do believe all the 'stuff' in his room was unsettling and overwhelming to him. Poor child couldn't find
anything!! I gave him order in his room and he gave me back my sweet son *G*
I can't thank you enough!! I never thought of his 'stuff' as hindering, but alas they are!!
Sincerely,
*****************************************************
Dear FlyLady,
I just had to share this story. My dd(3)'s room is my old sewing room. It's tiny, between the kitchen and the basement, so it's
clutter drop-off central. I just couldn't take it anymore, trying to squeeze through a half open door with a filled to overflowing laundry basket. So I ripped into it- tossing and hurling stuff everywhere, then thinking I broke decluttering SHE rule #1, don't rip up more than you can put back in an hour, I just broke down and cried at the mess I had made. After 5 minutes I gave myself a stern talking too and marched back in there and began tossing stuff into the garbage or into labeled storage containers. In only 45 minutes(!!!), everything that she needed was in the closet, along with all of my crafting supplies, labeled and organized. All that was left in her room was her bed, a small table with a night light, and a small box with her dolls. The first thing she said to me was, "Thanks, Mom, nowI can dance" as she twirled around. I got teary-eyed watching her.
This is what a home is supposed to be for- dancing, loving, LIVING. Not an oppressing jumble of STUFF that sucks you dry of money and time to maintain. Her room is an oasis of peace. It feels like heaven in there. I told her I was going to move in with her (which she thought was a great idea!), it's the only room in the house that I can think in. I'm more determined than ever to give myself that gift in the rest of my home and in my life through the use of routines. Many thanks for being a beacon for all of us on this journey.
Baby Steps
P.S., in my 8 months of decluttering I can't even guess how much I've thrown away and I can't even NAME one thing, let alone miss it!
**************************************
Dear FlyLady
"Everyone knows" that children are happier in a home where the housekeeping is "relaxed" and where no-one notices a little mess. Right? I certainly "knew" that -- and with a child with mild brain-chemistry unbalance, a relaxed home environment was important to me.
When my child's handicap led us to a play-therapist last fall, my eyes were opened. At the sight of the beautiful toys in their orderly, accessible rows on the therapist's shelves, my child's stared in delight. The little girl who never played and preferred to read was transformed into a laughing child who played happily for nearly an hour.
What was wrong with all the lovely toys in our home? I dug a little bit, found out a toy that she really wanted, and bought it for her. As she thanked me she said "The best part is, Mama, I can *find* it".
I looked around the shelves in our home play-space, where toys competed for space with books, paper, laundry, and old school art projects. My clutter was making my child emotionally ill. I'm starting to cry, just thinking about it. She couldn't relax and play at home, because the mess was too much.
I can't boogie that clutter out of my house fast enough. It tried to supplant my family! Your advice saved them. I can't thank you enough.
*************************************
FlyLady Here: We have seen this happen over and over. Clutter keeps our children from having peace in their own room, home and life. Less is more. More fun and more peace!
- FlyLady
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Any ideas...
Dear FlyLady,
I just bought 6 rubbermaid bins, small ones. I know they can be used for something but I don't know what. I don't want a junk drawer, and the kids have things for their toys so I'm at a loss. Do you have any ideas?
Dear Friend,
Take them back! You don't need them. Get your money back and buy you something for a bubble bath. It sounds like you have already gotten rid of your clutter. You can't organize clutter that you don't have!! I am so proud of you!
- FlyLady
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Bring out a mop...
Dear FlyLady,
My 1yo DS makes a mess on the floor every time he eats! I have tried those plastic liners, they do not work for me, and end up tearing the next day. Do you have any suggestions, so I don't have to bring out the mop every time?!
Dear Friend,
It doesn't take a big mop to clean up a one year old's mess. Use a paper towel or a damp rag. It is never too early to start teaching your babies the meaning of the word NO. Accidents will still happen but clean up is a breeze when you change your attitude.
- FlyLady
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Two dusters...
Dear FlyLady,
Why two feather dusters? There's only one of me (no little ones anymore to
help bless the world). I have the smaller duster (works great). What would
be the advantage of having the larger one, too?
(Apologies if you answered this before. I did email a while back, but didn't
think to check Ask FlyLady on the web to see if you answered. Still, I can't
imagine I'm the only one who has wondered about this.)
Dear Friend,
When we designed the 16 inch duster we felt like it just what FlyLady ordered. Then for a Christmas gift we put together a larger and longer duster especially for people that could not reach the ceiling corners with the little duster. It was such a success that we kept it in our FLY Shop. It was our ladies that started calling them the Mommy duster and the Baby duster.
Now they have become a way to motivate children to help bless our homes. What a wonderful accident!!
Here is a beautiful testimonial about babies blessing the house.
Dear FlyLady,
After 6 months of flying, fluttering and doing routines, I also got a feather duster this past week!! I expected to like it, but I didn't expect it to feel like it was made especially for me. My 5 yr old Dear Son talked about it every day until it came, the magic wand that shoots feathers. When it finally came we were ecstatic.
I said, "There is only one rule with the magic dusters: they are for blessing the house, and everything we say has to be a kind, blessing sort of thing." and we were off, he with the little duster and me with the big one. We blessed not only our family and friends and home, we blessed the lady bugs that live here and the spiders and the dead spiders!!!
My Dear Son turned to me and said, "I bet you didn't know that I was such a good house blesser!"
"NO I didn't" I replied.
"THAT is because I'm your little flyboy!" He said, "You know what is good about the flylady dusters? They pick up the dirt, not just push them into piles like other dusters" (do you visit these children in their sleep?? We never dusted before!) Then he reminded me to shake it out, and ran onto the deck with his arms up to the sky and yelled at the top of his lungs, "BLESS THE WORLD"
blessings in CT
FlyLady here: Every time I read this testimonial I end up in purple puddles. I use it to end every speech I give.
At the bottom of our homepage is a link on how to care for your duster. They do get dirty and need to be cleaned.
The 16" duster is back in our FlyShop for a limited time. Get your's while they are available!
http://flylady.net/pages/FlyShop_Duster.asp
- FlyLady
Monday, November 16, 2009
Reclaim my house...
Dear FlyLady,
I am a single working mother who has been flying for four years. I am single after a very sudden and painful breakup. I have a question that affects a group of your Flybabies.
One of your mantras is if something doesn't bring you joy, you should get rid of it. Practically everything in my home was acquired during my 11 year relationship. I have flung and downsized dramatically. I have worked hard on forming loving memories around my house, focusing on my son and me. I have a wonderful life with my son and truly appreciate it. Marla, any suggestions on how to continue to reclaim my house and possessions?
I value your input since you have been a guiding force for me.
Dear Friend,
Those bad memories are hard to declutter. It may take years to replace most everything in your home. I like to call it upgrading; upgrading from a bad memory to a good one. Out of sight out of mind is one of our characteristics that get us sidetracked and in trouble, but when we put our bad memories behind closed doors this helps us to not feel as bad when we see them. Slowly you will find the courage to declutter those bad memories. Be kind to yourself. Take it slow and easy!
- FlyLady
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